Scorn

How you have scorned me

And I you 

We loved and hated as the fire grew 

So hot

And others jumped inside and out

And you and I could never put it out,

Anyway

At all. 

But now perhaps you'll douse me with water

Treat me unkindly and coldly enough

Make your words harsh enough

Turn me away enough

And I won't come back. 

If that's what you want

You can accomplish your desire

And put out this fire

That still glows

 in me. 

Alone Again

And you find yourself alone again...every now and then another friend leaves you,
And you realize your own emptiness, the fullness that they brought you. And yet it couldn't last, it never lasts. We walk together for a while, down a crooked path, and then, we find ourselves alone again. Why our paths diverged I'll never know. I'll always question the way I chose to go. I'll always wonder if your road had been the better one. If I'd taken it, at least, perhaps, we wouldn't be alone.

December 15 2014

A Dream

I dreamed about you, dear one,
And you and I were falling,
Not downward,
And not in Love -
But something softer,
Sweeter than this;
I was
Floating
And you were
Rising
Upward like a star
And I reached out
And touched your trail of light
And you pulled me up,
And I was tightly in your arms,
They were warm and bright.
Then we fell into the sky,
The deep blue night
Dipped inward
Like an ocean,
And we stayed there
While the moon was passing by,
And smiled on us,
You, the rising star, and I.

The Great Unknown

There is a great  unknown before me,
A great black future
Black because it cannot be seen,
Great because it is perfectly vast
And endless its possibilities

If I take this step,
Into the darkness
Will the light race to meet me?
Will rays run across the reaching span before me?
I am reaching, but there is nothing to hold onto
I grasp for my past,
But can't get back to it.

The light is only here, in this moment.
The fleeting seconds
Quickly dim behind us
The future, not yet known
Stretches blank, and black before us
The present
Is the only moment we are shown.

This is faith:
To take that step.
To make that leap,
Into a black abyss
And whether I fall,
Or whether I stand,
Or hit a wall,
Is up to this:
That I take

One

step.

The light is in my mind
And not behind me,
Not before me
It shines inside me
Showing me the universe's possibilities.
Imagination is the key:

A dream precedes reality.

Here and Then

"You will get there",
She said.

You will get there.
But when?

When, oh when, oh when?

I want there to be here,
I want now to be then. 

Love lost

Ah!
My heart
Is pained
This thing I've lost
cannot seem to be regained
I suffer 'neath the twisted,
wrenching weight
Of this sorry love's name
And tortured fate.

Ah!
I cry,
I cannot find
Desert enough
To dry my eyes
I wait
In vain
The throbbing to subside.

God!
I ache
The very depths of my mind quake,
And every limb and sinew in me
Shakes.

Oh, Love!
Just kill me now
And we'll both bow
In death, surrender
To this lake
Of fire and brimstone
Beneath this flaking edifice
Of bone.

Ah!
My heart is breaking
It's my life which you are taking
It's my love which you are raking
'Cross the coals.

Ah, Pain!
Is this your answer,
Are you bringing me this cancer
To infect the rotting throne
Of my remains?

Ah, Love,
You took me deftly
And tonight you finally left me
And tomorrow,
Who knows
But only a grim shadow will remain. 

Oh, How You Amuse Me

Oh, how you amuse me
Delight me, and confuse me
I'm afraid this flame may bruise me
But I cannot put it out...

As how one stands, transfixed
To watch the dance of flickering fire
Which draws the poor moths in
With every glimmer, every turn -

I feel a warmth which pulls,
As oiled wick, me toward the pyre,
I hold my gaze, I reach to touch -
Full-knowing, this will burn.



October 2012

Moments and Words

If I could express this singular moment
What would it be?
How would I say it?
Are there ever words enough?
Is there ever an expression, 
Which with conciseness can express
Precisely what I feel?
I struggle and I yearn
For something better, something more
I turn the words 
Hoping that something will emerge
That vaguely matches what I feel. 

Right now I can't quite find it
For I'm empty and yet full
Reaching but content
Still but restless,
And I still can't find the word...
There is so much I'd like to say
For that moment - flown away
Evades description
And by the time some soul 
Might happen upon this poem
Countless others will have gone
In similar fashion 
As inexpressible particles of existence. 

April 22, 2009

Thoughts After Recording

I would like to play
With total freedom
With no fear,
I'd like to play
the way I hear 
inside my mind,
I'd like to find
that there's no limit
to my ear,
I'd love to trust
My judgment, always
Knowing that
I won't go wrong
Because 
I understand so fully,
Oh, how long
before I find this
Liberation?
Oh, what must I do 
To end this great frustration?
I will search all of my days
Just to attain
The revelation
That will take me
From this point of desperation
To my greatest hopes and dreams
--Of Transformation.


March 15, 2007


The Piano 1999 © Martin Murphy computer rendering - Bryce 3D

Facades

I don't want to be the big girl anymore
I don't want to hold it together,
I don't want to take the wheel
I don't want to bring up anything
Or direct the conversation
Or to tell you how I feel.

But if I were to cry
And be ridiculous
Who could bear it?
Who would care?
It's too much for you,
It's too much for me
It's too much to put it
Anywhere.

So I keep it in
I'm a big girl, after all. 
I can hold my chin up
I can remain calm
Until I find myself alone
And can let my thoughts be known
To a person not really there...
An empty bed,
An empty chair --
They do not care
It's safe for them to see...
It will not hurt them,
To see me cry
It will not hurt them
To know that I
Am not that strong
Am not that brave
I just hold on,
I'm just holding on, You see?
I just reach out
And barely make it
Sometimes, I barely make it
But I say I'm fine
And I am fine
But it still is hard
To take it,
And sometimes I wish
I didn't need to fake it.


March 21, 2010