Oh, How You Amuse Me

Oh, how you amuse me
Delight me, and confuse me
I'm afraid this flame may bruise me
But I cannot put it out...

As how one stands, transfixed
To watch the dance of flickering fire
Which draws the poor moths in
With every glimmer, every turn -

I feel a warmth which pulls,
As oiled wick, me toward the pyre,
I hold my gaze, I reach to touch -
Full-knowing, this will burn.



October 2012

Moments and Words

If I could express this singular moment
What would it be?
How would I say it?
Are there ever words enough?
Is there ever an expression, 
Which with conciseness can express
Precisely what I feel?
I struggle and I yearn
For something better, something more
I turn the words 
Hoping that something will emerge
That vaguely matches what I feel. 

Right now I can't quite find it
For I'm empty and yet full
Reaching but content
Still but restless,
And I still can't find the word...
There is so much I'd like to say
For that moment - flown away
Evades description
And by the time some soul 
Might happen upon this poem
Countless others will have gone
In similar fashion 
As inexpressible particles of existence. 

April 22, 2009

Thoughts After Recording

I would like to play
With total freedom
With no fear,
I'd like to play
the way I hear 
inside my mind,
I'd like to find
that there's no limit
to my ear,
I'd love to trust
My judgment, always
Knowing that
I won't go wrong
Because 
I understand so fully,
Oh, how long
before I find this
Liberation?
Oh, what must I do 
To end this great frustration?
I will search all of my days
Just to attain
The revelation
That will take me
From this point of desperation
To my greatest hopes and dreams
--Of Transformation.


March 15, 2007


The Piano 1999 © Martin Murphy computer rendering - Bryce 3D

Facades

I don't want to be the big girl anymore
I don't want to hold it together,
I don't want to take the wheel
I don't want to bring up anything
Or direct the conversation
Or to tell you how I feel.

But if I were to cry
And be ridiculous
Who could bear it?
Who would care?
It's too much for you,
It's too much for me
It's too much to put it
Anywhere.

So I keep it in
I'm a big girl, after all. 
I can hold my chin up
I can remain calm
Until I find myself alone
And can let my thoughts be known
To a person not really there...
An empty bed,
An empty chair --
They do not care
It's safe for them to see...
It will not hurt them,
To see me cry
It will not hurt them
To know that I
Am not that strong
Am not that brave
I just hold on,
I'm just holding on, You see?
I just reach out
And barely make it
Sometimes, I barely make it
But I say I'm fine
And I am fine
But it still is hard
To take it,
And sometimes I wish
I didn't need to fake it.


March 21, 2010